Kendra (inked_secrets) wrote in sub_voices,

Dark times..

I used to post here long ago, and have recently returned to blogging.  I am a submissive, but during my years away, I lost myself and tried something terrible.  Asked to by a man I was seeing... I dominated.  But it wasn't he was my Master, and asked me to do so.  He was just.. a guy.  And asked.  And I was so lost, I tried.  Poorly.  I was awful.  It was awful... so not me.  How could I punish someone, when I deserve to be punished?  How could I make someone beg, when all I wanted was to feel the ache of hardwood under my knees and shaking, pleading words falling from my bitten, swollen lips?  How could I whip someone, when I would do Anything to feel that pain and experience the ecstacy of the combination of fear and shame and love and lust and adrenalin and submissiveness and pure sexual energy?  No, it was all wrong.  I will never again put a crop on my hand.  Well, not unless a master tells me to... 

The experience at least taught me something.  We all have purposes in life, and (though I like to think I have many) one of mine is to serve.  Serve and serve wholly a deserving, devestating, strong Master.  It is a skill, submissiveness.  It is an art.  It is a pleasure, a release, a necessity.  To me, anyway.  Does this make sense?  I have no submissive friends, so I fear I'm alone in these feelings occasionally.  I do hope I make sense, and possibly that some others feel a connection to this compulsion, this need I have.

As I've mentioned, I have no submissive friends, though many wonderful submissive women and men have crossed my path.  I must say, they are some of the most beautiful people in the world.  Naturally, not always as beautiful as their Masters ;), but truly wonderful beings.  I feel such a connection to those who wish to be dominated like myself - though, the connection pales in the shadow of the connection one can feel to a great Master, yes?  :) 

Just some words I needed to get out there.  I hope all are well!

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